Please Don't Let

Joe Know

A reader asked, "Bill, what has happened to your column? You have gone from wisdom to boredom."

This Is Not Luby's

The shipwrecked captain prayed, "Lord, when I was adrift and hungry you sent only sushi. And, when I found this deserted island, I asked for manna but I had to climb a tree to get a banana. Now, Lord, it is time that I had a tee bone."

A booming voice from above said, "One does not live by beef alone."

Just Plain Jane

Jane Fonda's only claim to fame is her father's name.

The poor woman couldn't act frightened if caught in the midst of an Iraq terrorist attack.

Now she is a selfappointed spokesperson on every subject under the sun.

More of Grandpaw

Bill's Wisdom

Never say I love you if flattery is your concern.

Love should be given without hope of return.

A Warning to the New Generation First came the hot pants. Next came the implants. Then came the plunging neckline. Now I have lost her and a friend of mine.

Scammed

Thanks to the Obama new policy, I traded in my gas guzzler.

The dealer said, "We have crushed your old car. So this is your deal. You get this nice clean Hummer at list price. Not to mention the money you will save on gasoline."

A Drive-By Shooting

When police found the bullet riddled body, there was no identification. Thieves had already stolen his stolen I.D.