As a reporter, editor, janitor and other things at a newspaper for most of my life—-I started as janitor at my father's newspaper while in high school and have not progressed that much—-one of my natural activities is reading, but I often find myself reading the off beat stories. It can be quite entertaining and you don't even have to resort to the tabloids to find strange articles.

Over the years, I have found that real life is every bit as interesting as the 2-headed baby stories. Of course, sometimes it helps to have a skewed outlook on the world. Much of what is found falls under the "What were they thinking?" category. The answer is that the subjects of what I find to be humorous stories were not doing much thinking.

The first example is South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, who disappeared for several days last month only to finally admit to having an extramarital affair. This guy is really stupid. He put out a few versions of his disappearance before he finally confessed. The governor is a public servant and should know by now that folks were going to find out the truth.

His first story, or one put out by handlers who also did not know where he went, was that he was out hiking in the mountains. Then the location changed ever so slightly to Argentina, where he went to unwind. Finally, the married father of four confessed to having an affair. Really, he would have been better off confessing the affair at the get-go. There would be fewer questions to answer.

What I find amusing, other than his bumbling for the truth, is that the governor is of the Republican party which seems to be having a few problems with remaining faithful in marriages while taking on the role of our moral guides. Democrats also have extramarital affairs, but I kind of expect that from them because they don't get up and preach about being faithful. And, nobody is better at dodging an affair than former President Bill Clinton who drew a fine line between faithfulness and unfaithfulness.

Next in the news columns was a short story about a woman sentenced to five years in jail after being convicted of zapping a cheerleading sponsor with a stun gun. The woman, the story says, did not think the 5- year sentence was fair. Maybe it was a little severe for the crime, but it seems about right for stupidity. Your child making the cheerleading or varsity sports team is not of proper magnitude to warrant an assault. To make matters worse, it was not even her child who failed to make cheerleader.

The proper action, I believe, if your child does not make the team is a talk about working harder. If you truly believe that the selection process was not fair, then talk about how life is not always fair.

A church in Louisville, Ky., held a "Bring your gun to church" event, at which the pastor asked his congregation of 150 to carry firearms into the sanctuary to "celebrate our rights as Americans." The church also was selling raffle tickets for a handgun. I just don't get this. It gets funny, though.

Sheriff's deputies were going to be stationed at the doors of the church, checking to see that guns carried by congregants are unloaded, but were not authorized to check for concealed weapons to determine if they are loaded. What is the purpose of the check, then?

Guns in church, whatever the reason, went off as planned, I guess. The church's insurance company was threatening to cancel the policy for the day of the event and plans on not renewing at the end of the policy term. Making this particular political statement in a church may not be worth the trouble.

Pop star Michael Jackson died last week. Nothing more needs to said about this strangeness.

These stories are all from a Friday daily newspaper. With a selection like this, Saturday looked promising.